It has been a long time since I've written and so many things have happened in my life. So many things have changed. Since my last post the divorce was, obviously, finalized seeing as how I am married now to Jay Matthews. After the divorce was final, like the very next day, I moved out of my parents place and into his. We had been dating since October of 2007; yes before my divorce was final and even before I moved out of the house I lived in with my now ex-husband. I enrolled back into college January of 2010. The very next month, we found out I was pregnant. Jay proposed in March and the very next day things with the pregnancy started to go downhill. During this time and before the miscarriage, I was in and out of the emergency room for a week. I was admitted twice in a week. I nearly bled to death because my body was rejecting the baby and was having trouble miscarrying on its own. I ended up having to have surgery to remove the baby. It was the hardest thing. I was so thankful during my stay at the hospital, while on the maternity floor, that no one had a baby. Every time a baby is born they play a song over the loud speaker and I think during that time it would have just made things worse for all of us (my mom and Jay were with me the entire time). I probably would have bawled my eyes out. A few days later I was back, admitted again. I had to have a blood transfusion because I lost to much during the previous incident. After my body recovered, after I recovered emotionally (for the most part), and after I paid off my debt, Jay and I planned our little wedding. I went and got a dress, we picked out what he was to wear, and I made the arrangements with Justice of the Peace. It was a small event with only my parents, my Granny, his mom, and his sister. I liked it that way and he did too. The fewer the people the better. It made it more special, more about us. After we were married we tried for a long while to get pregnant again, but had no luck. We ended up having to see a specialist at the beginning of 2011 and we found out, which we kind of already knew, that I was the problem. The plan was for me to take a medication to help me get pregnant, but before I could get to that point I was pregnant again. This was around July of 2011. The pregnancy wasn't progressing as it should; there was a sac, but no baby. Again I had to have surgery. We tried again after sex was allowed, but failed to tell my doctor. I took a pregnancy test and it was negative. I ended up having surgery again, but this time it was to check and see if I had any scar tissue from the previous surgery. Little did we know that during this surgery that I was pregnant. The doctor tested me before surgery to see if I was pregnant, but again it said negative. Well, it was a false negative. I assume it was just to early to tell. Today, February 10, 2012, I am 25 weeks pregnant (6 months and 1 week). The surgery did not affect her. She hung on and has been so strong. We found out in January that we're having a little girl. Her name is Emily Michelle and will be born on or around May 24th. We are so thrilled and couldn't be happier. We are blessed and life is good.
I read some of my previous entries and its funny to me how I could ever be the way I was. I can't remember how or when I changed for the better, but I think it must have been around the time Jay re-entered my life. I'm glad to be the person I am today and hope to someday forget the person I was.